I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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