Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
