Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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