history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
