I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
