I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
