they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
