You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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