I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
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You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
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I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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