the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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