if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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