Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
