I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
