I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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