i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
God I need to hump something, right now.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
