I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
