i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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