dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
