Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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