i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
