found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
