in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
