i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
