u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I fill condoms, not promises.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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