I hate your face
I'm really into asian looking animals
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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