we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize