All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
