best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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