I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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