all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
