Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
