i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
