I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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