So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
