I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She bit a glass in half.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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