Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
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The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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