You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
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i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
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She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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