I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
