So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
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Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I pour the whiskey from now on
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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