I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
