wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
