Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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