Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
