oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
