it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
