So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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