Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
