Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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