i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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