I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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