I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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