I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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