do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
