i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
