I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i've created a new STD.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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