Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
porn star boner night. come get it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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