this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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