Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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