Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Everything about him screamed your future.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
