My friends, they love my intelligence
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
