I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Did I show you my penis last night?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
