Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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