if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
