Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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