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• (248): View more from Michigan

  absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess

  Fav 4 1765 701

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp

  Fav 23 5025 1016

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.

  Fav 13 4208 1357

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.

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• 

  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (618): View more from Illinois

  Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.

  Fav 8 2265 1218

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.

  Fav 26 960 1708

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• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!

  Fav 17 4154 796

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment

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• (817): View more from Texas

  If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.

  Fav 5 379 765

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.

  Fav 3 247 351

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.

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