I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
being pregnant is like rehab
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar