No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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