I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
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Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
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I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.